When I emigrated abroad following my husband, I had to give up my job a an Occupational Therapist and rely on his income. I chose not to pursue an OT role here in Dubai, as I had already started training to become a coach and decided to continue with that when we moved. We would be starting out relying solely on his income and this presented me with an uncomfortable sense of financial insecurity.
If you’re financially dependent on your partner, it’s natural to feel vulnerable. What happens if the unexpected occurs, and your partner is unable to provide for one reason or another? It’s important to take proactive steps to protect yourself. As I always say to my husband, "plan for the worst, hope for the best", and I think this is a sensible approach to have under these circumstances, especially when you don't have your family and support network nearby. There are some practical tips that I'd like to share, that worked to ease my own anxieties. Remember, it's not that I believe things wont work out as expected, but it is reducing risk to put my mind at ease.
Open a Personal Bank Account
One of the first things I did once I received my Emirates ID, was open a bank account in my name. This gave me independent access to funds, which was invaluable for managing my own expenses and feeling a sense of autonomy. I chose to receive an allowance of sorts, so that I could spend or save as much as I wanted from that amount each month. One of the most important things related to this point, is the fact that if anything were to happen to your husband (heaven forbid), his accounts would likely be locked down and you could lose access to any joint funds, or credit cards that are in his name. This would cause additional strain at an already traumatic time - how would your rent and other bills be paid?
Understand Your Family Finances
Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to finances. Sit down with your partner to discuss their income, savings, investments, and any debts. Knowing the full picture helps me to feel more involved in decision making and planning for the future. As a trailing spouse, it's important to be involved in setting financial goals and being aware of which months are more flush and which months are tighter, preventing debt accumulation and staying on track to meet your shared financial goals.
Build an Emergency Fund
Setting aside a portion of the household income for emergencies gave me tremendous peace of mind. Many financial advisors recommend setting aside enough to cover three to six months of living expenses (not salary) in liquid accounts. This safety net ensures you have a financial cushion to rely on if needed. As an expat, this is especially important, as you would always have the option to fund a return home if needed, or to fly home temporarily, in the event of a family emergency. As a trailing spouse, I retain a portion of our liquid savings in an account solely in my name. This would cover a couple of months expenses if anything were to happen to my husband.
Stay Insured
Make sure you’re covered under appropriate insurance policies, including health, life, home and travel insurance. Review these regularly to ensure they match your current circumstances. This step helped me feel more secure, knowing we'd be ok if anything unexpected happened.
Learn About Legal Protections
When I moved abroad, I made it a point to research my legal rights in the host country. This was one of the reasons we got married before we moved (don't forget to get your marriage certificate attested). Being informed about your legal standing is essential for protecting your interests. Bear in mind common law relationships are not necessarily acknowledged in every country, so don't assume (it makes an ass out of u and me).
Develop Skills and Network
Financial dependence doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for a self-sufficient future, or lead an ambitious life. Take the opportunity to develop skills and build a network in your new community, it might help you meet new people and if you do choose to look for work, its a great way to have spent your time on your CV. I chose to continue my coach training an start my own business and it's been incredibly rewarding on an identity level as well as knowing I'm contributing to our future.
Final Thoughts on Financial Security as a Trailing Spouse
Taking these steps is about security and peace of mind. As a trailing spouse, gaining financial security and safeguarding your financial wellbeing allows you to take control, no matter what life throws your way. Being a custodian of your family's financial future is very rewarding, and both you and your spouse will become more settled in whatever arrangement you make, knowing that you've got your bases covered.
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